Dreams are a funny thing because they are abstract.  They tell you to "dream big!" your whole life, but they don't tell you what that is supposed to mean. But my dreams have never been that way.  I've always known what I have wanted.  I have wanted New York.  I have dreamed it and pasted pictures on my walls and anticipated trips to the city with sleepless nights.  I have had my breath taken away by the people I have met and the sight of the skyline at sunrise.  And I have cried every time I have had to leave.  We would drive out the Lincoln Tunnel, or across the Triborough Bridge and I would let the tears flow, knowing that I was being driven away from the place where I really belonged. 

I would explain this to friends or family, and no one ever quite understood.  It is true, what they say, you can be happy anywhere. But my anywhere was an island made of concrete and sparkling lights and crowds of people that make you feel isolated and alive all at once--and I would spend every day promising to find my way back.

And here we are.  Less than twenty days.  A little more than twenty-two years.  And no one tells you that having your dreams come true is equal parts luck and hard work and passion.  No one tells you that nothing happens easily when your heart is torn.  No one tells you that chasing your dreams will also break your heart a little--because every dream you have means leaving another kind of life behind. And I don't know if anyone tells you that even little dreams require hard work.  It's thrilling because you are choosing the path of your life and you feel like you have earned it because you have worked so hard and dreamed so long.  It is empowering and exhilarating...but it leaves you praying desperately that it will be worth it.  And I am choosing to believe that it will be.

I found the loveliest apartment and the loveliest roommates and a lovely neighborhood and I can't help but think that there is a bigger plan when those things fall into place so perfectly.  Moving to New York is especially tough because real estate on a tiny island is both limited and competitive.  I have lucked out and I have been gifted with the tools to accomplish the desires of my heart.  I have incredible family and a network of friends who support my dreams, even if it is not what they would choose for themselves.  I have friends who have encouraged me as I stalked apartments hoping for the perfect fit and uncles and an aunt who have regaled me with tales of their first years in the city.

Vincent Van Gogh said, "I know nothing with any certainty but the sight of the stars makes me dream."  

I know nothing with any certainty.  I don't know anything about the next year of my life.  But I have an apartment.  And I am surrounded by love.  And the sight of the city makes me dream.

In less word-y news, here are some pictures from my trip this week!